It feels like failure

Most women start taking prenatal vitamins a couple of weeks before they actually start trying. The vitamins shall prevent defects that might occur during the first weeks when the inner organs develop. Well, to ensure the best possible chances of getting pregnant quickly and delivering a healthy baby in the end I started to take vitamins, too. I charted and calculated and we hit the sack a few times around the big O. In the end it didn't work out in this cycle and to me it feels like failure because I did everything I could. Yes, I may be a little fixed on finally becoming a mum and I know that I am impatient but it doesn't change how it feels. According to a recent statistic a healthy couple in its thirties has a chance of 65 % per month and is likely to be pregnant within the first three months of trying. These are positive numbers and I hope we will be part of this group.

But trying didn’t start just now for me. This subject has followed me for over a decade because of my health issues. I never asked myself the question if I want to have kids, it only was about when. I was bitten by a stork as a toddler and some people think there is a connection between my strong wish to become a mum and this bite. But I also heard lovely and encouraging comments by some of the doctors I’ve been to like “you start getting used to never being a mum” when I was in my late twenties. Or “if you want to kill yourself” is also one of my favorites. “You might get pregnant but you will never deliver a (healthy) baby” was also charming. And now, with my health issues finally under control and my DH finally willing to become a Daddy one month went by without the result I’m longing for.

I was on a city trip the weekend after my period came and it helped to get my inner peace back. It can have advantages, not being pregnant like enjoying a nice glass of beer. So I try to keep this in mind:



Everything will be ok in the end. if it is not ok, it is not the end.



Love,

Julia