It feels like failure

Most women start taking prenatal vitamins a couple of weeks before they actually start trying. The vitamins shall prevent defects that might occur during the first weeks when the inner organs develop. Well, to ensure the best possible chances of getting pregnant quickly and delivering a healthy baby in the end I started to take vitamins, too. I charted and calculated and we hit the sack a few times around the big O. In the end it didn't work out in this cycle and to me it feels like failure because I did everything I could. Yes, I may be a little fixed on finally becoming a mum and I know that I am impatient but it doesn't change how it feels. According to a recent statistic a healthy couple in its thirties has a chance of 65 % per month and is likely to be pregnant within the first three months of trying. These are positive numbers and I hope we will be part of this group.

But trying didn’t start just now for me. This subject has followed me for over a decade because of my health issues. I never asked myself the question if I want to have kids, it only was about when. I was bitten by a stork as a toddler and some people think there is a connection between my strong wish to become a mum and this bite. But I also heard lovely and encouraging comments by some of the doctors I’ve been to like “you start getting used to never being a mum” when I was in my late twenties. Or “if you want to kill yourself” is also one of my favorites. “You might get pregnant but you will never deliver a (healthy) baby” was also charming. And now, with my health issues finally under control and my DH finally willing to become a Daddy one month went by without the result I’m longing for.

I was on a city trip the weekend after my period came and it helped to get my inner peace back. It can have advantages, not being pregnant like enjoying a nice glass of beer. So I try to keep this in mind:



Everything will be ok in the end. if it is not ok, it is not the end.



Love,

Julia

Pregnancy tests

There are several tests on the market and it can be confusing when it comes to choosing the most suitable.

example of a digital pregnancy test

Before you think about the test you should know what will be tested. It's about the level of the pregnancy hormone hCG. It doubles every other day during the first trimester. Some tests are very sensitive detecting a level of 10. Digital tests often need 25. If you're impatient you better take a sensitive one as it might show a second line some days before your period would be due. A digital one could show a false negative if the hormone level was too low. I had both kind of tests and a digital one saying „not pregnant“ can feel like a slap in the face.

my big fat negative "slap in the face" pregnancy test

I would only use this one again if I was absolutely sure about being pregnant and if I wanted to take a picture or inform the daddy to be but I don't recommend it for the first or early test.

Love,

Julia

The end of the first TTC cycle

I tested again on Tuesday morning (15th January) as I wanted to be sure and had to decide if I would accept an x-ray in the evening at the dentist. Again, there wasn't even a faint second line, it was a big fat negative.

My cycle is more or less regular varying between 24 and 26 days. As the last cycles were rather short and only 22 till 24 days long I was surprised that my period hasn't appeared, yet. Well, „aunt flo“ arrived between Thursday and Friday.

As previously written I used a chart and an ovulation calculator to track down the big-O day. The calculation was based on a 24 days cycle and if it was a little later we might have missed it. This month we should try the every other day method.

Love,

Julia

The first month

I don’t want to call me sick but my health condition needs regular checks, especially when it comes to TTC (trying to conceive). The last appointment was in mid December 2012 and starting to try depended only on the results. Luckily, I received “green lights” and we could have used the left over condoms as decoration on New Year’s Eve ;-). Just before Christmas I noticed that we were too late. The big O was before my doctor’s appointment and we missed the chance in that cycle. I was surprised how relax I was. I am not the most patient person and thought I would get nervous. For the next cycle I calculated the big O day and used a fertility chart. As we were on vacation around that time we both were optimistic that we would reach a “whole in one” (getting pregnant during the first trying cycle). Three years ago I was pregnant but had an early loss in week 6. It was an unplanned pregnancy and my hubby is convinced of having “super sperm”. He was absolutely sure having knocked me up at first try.

Some days later I had horrible toothache. I saw my dentist the next day and he wanted to X-ray my tooth. As I thought I might be pregnant he finally started the treatment without any x-ray. Wouldn’t it be funny if there really was a baby on its way because whenever somebody asked whom I told first my answer would be “my dentist”, haha.

8 days after ovulation DH and I went grocery shopping. When I saw the packed meat I immediately felt sick. It seemed that the first symptom had kicked in. The queasiness stayed during the day and returned as soon as I finished my breakfast the next day.

Do you know that a cow on average burps every 40 seconds (no, it’s not the gas from a cow’s back that causes the environmental problems, it comes front)? I started to eruct at least once per minute on that day and felt like a cow. Also new were slight cramps, especially in the evening. These three symptoms accompanied me during the past days and my hope of really being pregnant rose from day to day.

Another thing that came up 8 days past ovulation was impatience. I decided to take the first pregnancy test 2 till 4 days before my period was due as I wanted to avoid a false negative. But waiting for that day to come was horrible. It was close to freaking me out. So I had another reason to hope for being pregnant because I'm not keen on another month of waiting until I can test. I bought a sensitive test and waited for the second line to show but nothing happened. At that day the symptoms vanished away. It seems that my psych is very strong and manipulative. You could also call it wishful thinking. But it was early and as long as my period doesn’t start there is some hope left. I will test again tomorrow morning and will see what the test shows.

Love,

Julia

Let's get started

When it comes to starting a family most people get excited. Everyone is waiting to finally hold the new family member in her or his arms. But the journey to parenthood is not always easy or fun. In fact, it can freak you out and get on your nerves before you’re even pregnant.

I want to share with you my journey from trying to having a baby. Hop on the train and let’s see which adventures are ahead.

Love,

Julia