the two of us

Gosh, more than a year passed by without a post.

Well, “the two of us” refers to DH and me. There’s still no addition to our family, not even on its way.

If anybody had told me a couple of years ago that I would struggle for such a long time with getting pregnant I would have shaken my head and denied it. But here I am. I want to update you about the past months:

Last summer I went to my Gyn every month for monitoring. I had an ultrasound every cycle on the tenth day to check if an egg was ready for big O and when this day would be. My hubby’s and my task was clear ;-) But also the monitoring did not help. In the meantime we received hubby’s results. Let me put it like this: have you ever tried to drive your car with the handbrake put on? Well, that describes the mobility of his guys quite well. As shattering as the result may sound as relieved I was. The pressure was gone. During the weeks before this result I felt like falling into a deep black hole. Somehow, the result saved me from depression. We knew that we currently didn’t have what is needed to have a baby. The solution seemed quite easy as DH was described medication that should kick his guy’s bottoms. The control three months later showed some improvements but their performance still was not an A. My patience was close to an end and I decided to schedule a counseling interview at an infertility clinic. I don’t need plushy pillows or pink curtains and decided to go to a clinic connected to a university hospital. The doctor was very friendly and informed me well but I left with a schedule for infertility treatment. I did some more tests but was overwhelmed. I was not ready for any “technical” help on our journey to parenthood. Whenever it came to getting pregnant I knew that I would not use any “technical” help meaning IUI, IVF or ICSI. I can’t explain why but it just feels wrong to me. No, it’s not a question of faith. Yes, I am a christian but it is not “forbidden” to get help.

I guess we couldn’t succeed last year as the guys were not strong enough. This year we failed most of the cycles.

The quality of sperm is the best if he ejaculates every two till three days. I don’t want to go too deep into details of our married life but we are far from this number. There were many reasons why we did not hit the big O or tried only once or twice, in some cycles we totally failed. I’m pretty sure we don’t need technical help but only need to get together more regularly. Currently, I’m worrying if DH really wants to become a Daddy or if some of our problems are caused by him subconsciously not being ready to become a Dad. Confronted with my theory he denies but assures that he is serious about a baby. It’s difficult.

I was not too happy with my gyn and recently saw a new one: a very friendly doctor, taking time and listening. She also offers IUI in her own practice. DH and I agreed that both of us will do some checkups the next weeks. If there is still no baby on its way around Christmas we might try IUI. There are some exciting and busy weeks ahead! I won't let you wait as long as last time till the next post!

What I am super excited about is the mug exchange organized by Chelsea (http://trialsbringjoy.com/). Such a lovely and fab idea! I will be on a short wellness trip with one of my dearest friends next week and we surely will have some time to go mug-hunting. Of course I show you the parcel I will sent over to NC but not before it is received. You’ll have to wait until mid November.

Love,

Julia